This weekend, I finally got Eric to start approaching this thing like a project at work. He is a programmer, as I may have mentioned (I don’t know, did I?), and he thinks in terms of bits and bytes and ones and zeros, and he has this uncanny and mystifying talent for storing hundreds, maybe thousands, of lines of code in his brain and can visualize outcomes before they happen. I can’t do that. Most normal people can’t. He has all these details stored in his brain and can see it for himself, but when he communicates it to others, they find themselves stupefied and mumbling, “What the hell is this guy trying to do here?” He can answer that question, but in terms that only he understands. It is not an answer that normal people can wrap their heads around.

So I put on my work hat, and told him I had to have easel paper and some markers. It was time for a meeting; a data dump of everything he has stored in his brain. Ultimately, it was a brainstorming session where all these ideas and plans and open issues would get documented, organized, and prioritized. As a normal person (not a programmer), I was growing frustrated with the knowledge that he has all this stuff in his head and seems to understand it all perfectly, but I was lost … completely overwhelmed with all these ideas and details and data. It didn’t feel like it was organized enough to really get a handle on it. Data was spilling out of his mouth and onto the floor like kaleidoscope shards dumped haphazardly out of the tube, and I could NOT see any pattern to it to save my life.

So once the objectives were identified, tasks could be identified, and from there, we could figure out what was most important and who was going to do what … so we got an action items list out of it that even I could understand. He knew we needed to do this, but programmers are not good at this sort of thing, and smart people know to relinquish what they are not good at to those who are good at it. He is smart. He is scary sometimes. If he took all that stuff he has in little head and put action plans to it all, he would be a millionaire … and I am not talking about just the land. His brain is just exploding with unrefined, raw data. He needs to channel it … focus it and put it into action. In programmer lingo, “He needs to compile it and move it into production.”

Granted there were only two of us, and we really needed some subject matter experts or SMEs (one from ODNR, one who knows how to write grant proposals, one who understands geological surveying and water testing processes, etc) but we did okay. At least, we identified the SMEs we need to involve at some point when the time is appropriate.

We now have a mission (from which we can develop a project objective that SMEs WILL be able to grasp): “Do No Harm” (which was later qualified to mean “Make the overall impact of our presence a positive one.”) We now have a “DAY ONE” actions items list (all the things that have to be addressed within 30 days of closing … getting answers to the most URGENT questions) and we have started a list of all things that have to be researched and the decisions that have to be made in the long term. Granted, we have a long way to go, but at least we have defined where we are headed on Day One. Some of these things could get done right now, if we wanted to.

Day One is (so far) a six point list on easel paper taped to the wall in the family room for us to chew on for a couple days. We will look at again and refine it, if need be, and then, I will get it documented. You can call it an “Infrastructure Development Plan.” Yes, we are a developing wildlife-conserving, but human-supportive infrastructure while being sure to maximize our SME resources and save money. (Yes, I know that “wildlife-conserving/human-supportive” might sound like a contraction in terms, but read on. It’s really not.) That is exactly what we are doing; we’re building an infrastructure. First things on the list? Getting water/sewer, electricity, and communication resources established and determining specific contact information on the SMEs we are going to need in the long haul (like ODNR and all their little databases that we don’t even know are there yet). That is going to be hard to do while supporting the mission statement. But it can be done.

We ended up going back and qualifying what we meant by “Do No Harm.” I suppose the radical tree-hugging environmentalists might have a valid argument that you cannot set up a human-supporting and sustainable infrastructure without causing some sort of harm. Well, we meant “Do no harm to the animals and do nothing to the landscape that cannot easily be undone or is not positive.” Whatever impact we have will be outweighed by the longer term goals of cleaning up the mess from the wells and strip mining and reclamating the damage done in past decades using modern technology for reforestation and erosion control, but we will do that with the most minimalistic approach possible. We did not mean “Make no changes and have no impact.” We just want to make sure that the overall impact is a positive one for nature. We will leave it better than we found it. But to do that, we will need to safely establish a “primitive residence” where the land’s custodians can function and have basic needs met (like eat and pee) because we cannot fix what we don’t understand. We have to stay there and study it to find out what all its’ problems are and how best to approach them. You can’t monitor the reclamation process if you are not THERE to watch it. Sure, we will have some impact. That is a given. The goal is to make sure that in the grand scheme of things, it is a GOOD THING for the environment. Even the tree-hugging environmentalist would have to find that noble enough.

Curious? Click me.  Peg has another blog.

There is also a link to it in my blogroll, in case you go looking for it later.

I can’t remember ever doing anything that made me laugh that hard when I was all alone (see previous post if you don’t know what I am talking about). There was no one here to egg me on by laughing with or at me, and yet, I laughed until I had tears streaming down my face, and it made it all the harder to extricate myself. The harder I laughed, the harder it was to move. Once I stopped laughing and was able to compose myself, I shoved my right arm up under the pencil drawer, grabbed the big toe on my right foot (which was on the top of the Indian-knot in my legs) and pulled hard as I could towards the wall. My heel got stuck on the inside of my left knee but popped free when I bent my right ankle just a little. Once my right foot was free, I gained about of inch of space on the right and that was all I needed to push myself out. So… I am back. And I didn’t have to call the fire department to come get me out but the thought did cross my mind. I think I would have felt too stupid to do that. I would have waited for four hours until Eric got home. That would have been AWFUL.

Anyway, I was about to tell you this before I got stuck. I got an email from Eric a day or two ago that simply said this:

Hey,
This is what we might have to deal with…

www.fire.uni-freiburg.de/media/2007/12/news_20071211_us3.htm

Now, I have no idea where Eric finds this stuff (yes, I do — it’s the Ohio Dept of Natural Resources [ODNR] but I would not have thought to look there for something like this), but it does shed some interesting light on the situation. This article discusses underground fires in and around Wayne National Forest. It mentions a 120 year old fire “near New Straightsville.” Well, we are three miles from New Straightsville. Where near New Straightsville? It presents “What If” scenarios that no one would have ever thought of … well, at least, I would never have thought of them, but then, what do I know? I knew it was possible for a mine to catch fire, but who would think that it would keep burning for decades … more than a century? Seems that they would run out of air long before that. Also, I realize that coal burns but rocks and dirt? Do they burn too? I used to use dirt to put out campfires, and I used rocks to contain them in a small circle. So when the coal is gone (unless, of course, the fire hits a gas or oil reserve) what is left to burn?

But the biggest question is “Where is this fire exactly and what are the odds it has already reached or will reach our land?” If it did or does reach our land, will it create an unstable land surface that could result in sink holes? We already found a couple land formations that look suspiciously like sink holes, but we are not sure. ODNR doesn’t really keep records like this on private land. We may need to have a geological survey done to determine whether there is any real risk here. Don’t get me wrong; I doubt seriously that this would necessarily put the caboosh on this for Eric … I think he will buy it either way, but the question exists.

One thing that made this particular piece of land enticing in the first place is that we know that in past decades there were indeed gas and oil wells that were tapped and somebody made a few bucks, of course. Whether they were all located is unknown. There are no records (that we can find) on past surveys. But Eric did make sure that the mineral and oil rights ARE in the contract. They will be Eric’s. And if there is anything there, he will find it. If not, the lumber alone — even if Eric does nothing else — is worth a small fortune if properly harvested and reforested… replaced with more valuable trees such as black walnut and cherry.

I just gave myself another full belly laugh… I am so funny today. I went to see why the word walnut was showing as misspelled. I had not typed “walnut.” I typed “walmart.” I guess I will be going out to the country pre-programmed.

Anyway, what is the deal with these underground fires? What will it/could it mean to us?

Uhm…. Houston, we have a problem.

I just got stuck to Eric’s desk. I folded my legs up Indian-style in the office chair and slid me and the chair both up under the desk in the spot where one would normally put one’s legs under a desk, not realizing as I pulled myself IN what a tight squeeze it was. Seemed fine at the moment. Right up until my left foot fell asleep and I tried to free myself. I am stuck. I mean stuck-tight. And my left-foot is REALLY starting to tingle. HELP!

I think I better focus on getting out of this before I try to continue writing this post.

Humm. Right back where we started from, but I will say that our broker got wind that we were scouting around for another lender because of his closing costs, and son of a gun, if he didn’t crunch some numbers and bring it down by a gratuitous figure (nice gesture, but he is still overpriced). Eric got the revised Good Faith Estimate last night. That is the good news. The bad news is that we did indeed find another lender who could give us even better terms and guaranteed closing costs with a cap we could live with, but we didn’t have enough collateral to fulfill their requirements. This is tough business. We had to succumb. (Why do I keep saying “we?” I am not putting out one red cent on this transaction. Let’s make that perfectly clear. I guess I say it because Eric keeps saying it. He always says “we.” I wonder why.)

Thanks to the offline advice of a reader of mine who is in the business, we (Eric actually) batted around the idea of raising the price enough to cover the closing costs and have the seller pick it up (which I thought was just brilliant, David) but that didn’t pan out. Now granted, I don’t know how seriously he batted that around but it was most definitely suggested. Still, “we” decided to just bite the bullet and KISS. (If you don’t know what KISS means, you are probably too young to be reading blogs, but you can ask.)

That’s okay though. We are moving forward now, and at least, it didn’t fall completely apart. There were a few rough days there — not knowing which way things would go — but it appears resolved now. We are going with the original game plan. So we went forth and back.

Don’t worry about it. You are not the only one who doesn’t get my dry and tasteless wit. Eric has yet to figure it out. But I find him hilarious.

Eric seems a little more relaxed now that all has been decided. He is sleeping somewhat better and is a bit less grumpy; although, when tested he can still get a little snippy. He sort of snapped at his poor mom last night and I wanted to smack him. For a few days there, I was compelled to keep my distance. But it has passed and anyone under this kind of stress is going get a little pissy here and there, bless his heart. Besides, he is so handsome that it sort of distracts me from his occasional bought of pissiness.

Point is that we are all waiting together and rooting for this thing to happen for him. He has worked so hard his whole life and made a lot of sacrifices. This is a guy who SHOULD get what he wants. He deserves it. And he wants that land. I am sure it will all be fine, but if something goes wrong … he will be devastated. I will be furious, but he will be devastated. But I will worry about that when it happens and it won’t happen. Think positive.

We are going to South Carolina next week so Eric can meet my parents. Oooh … yes, that is right. I said “Meet My Parents!” Yeppers. And we are crossing 3-4 state lines to do it so what does that tell ya? No, I don’t know yet where this is going, but I know we are going to meet my parents and I don’t think Eric knows the significance of that. Not with my parents. I have officially introduced my father to THREE MEN in 48 years; my high school sweetheart (whom he was sure was gay), my ex-husband, and my infant son. That is it. I don’t take men home to my parents. I just don’t. But I am taking Eric.

Anyway, they don’t know anything about the land yet. I have not told them. They are going to think I have “done gone and lost my mind.” Forty-Eight years old and gallivanting through the forest like a teenager. But they are going to just love Eric. Of that, I am certain. Maybe I will sent them this link … nah … I will wait. I want Eric there when they hear.

We will be waiting until after the closing to go back. And this time, we are going to stay a while.

I would hate working in the real estate industry. I would just hate it. However, there are certain things that you can count on. Brokers gouge on closing costs and lenders like brokers so go straight to the lender from the get-go. That is rule number one.

Four percent on closing costs …. oh, pa-pleeze. We know you need to make a living too, but this bites. Now, we have to haggle. I hate to haggle. I rather have an open chest wound than to have to haggle. I only haggle in Mexico and at yard sales. That is a game. But here, this is serious stuff. It can make or break a deal … or a dream.

Poor Eric must be terribly frustrated by now. I just sent him an email with the news that the lender will make us wait at least six months before they will let us bypass this broker. But that broker is pricey… really pricey. And, I swear, I think he picked the most expensive appraiser on the planet so we have to find another appraiser, too.

I don’t know what Eric’s next move will be but his broker just called the house to get his cell phone number…. it is getting complicated and I am not even part of the transaction.

Oh, this is sooooo not the fun part.

I really should make Eric write this post because he is so much closer to it that I am. I mean, I know what is going on at the office, but I don’t think I have all the players straight so I won’t even try to mention them. One thing I do understand is “Damn it; it really sucks not knowing from one day to the next whether you are going to walk into the office and get pink slipped.” Yes, that is right. Lay offs are pending in a big way at his office.

A few have already been cut loose and some already know they are on the list to be axed just because they have more than 30 years in. They are going to be forced into early retirement, and they know it. Eric has been there 17 years and — in my humble opinion — he’s in the most gawd-awful boring job on the planet. I will grant you two things: 1) he loves what he does and 2) I love geeks. So that works out okay. But still, I don’t know how he does it day in and day out. All those lines of code and all those reports and all the “Hurry up and fix it now” BS. Understand, however, that I have been working with geeks for 20 years, and I know how they think. I respect it, but I don’t always understand it, and that is what makes them so much fun. I find them strangely lovable enigmas, and picking their brains to translate valuable information into layman’s terms is what I do best. They just love to hate me. Or is that hate to love me? They don’t know what to do with me because I am not one of them, but yet they need me because they HATE to document anything. (Some of you may remember that I am technical writer … so I know what they do, but I could not duplicate it if my life depended on it and I would not want to if I could. I just watch, learn, and write it down. That is it.)

Digressing, the problem with working in IT is that it so dynamic and volatile and unpredictable. IT folks accepted in the late 90’s that there is no such thing as job security, and the reality of the industry is that anyone can get canned at any minute. All it takes is one little “cost-cutting initiative” on management’s part.

OUTSOURCING and DOWNSIZING. Words that makes us all shutter and soil our britches.

Eric has the urge … he wants to just walk in and say “I am about to sell my soul to buy a piece of land. Am I going to have a job next month? I really kinda need to know.” One of two things will happen. Either the boss will have no better clue than he does OR she will just say she has no better clue than he does. Either way, he will be no better off than he was before he asked. So what’s the point? That is how IT layoffs work, and he knows that. The curiosity is killing him, but no one is going to know much of anything before the end of July, and even if they know, they aren’t saying.

I went through that twice. In the first case, I waited for nine long and painful months to learn that I WAS on the list, and in the second, I waited six long and painful months to find out that I was NOT on the list. There is a 50/50 chance, and you just don’t know. All you can really do is go on about your life and suffer the stress of it. So that is what he is doing. I must say that he is handling it all quite well … but still thinking it might be wise to postpone the closing for as long as he can until he finds out for sure. But even then, there are no guarantees. He could very well survive this round of lay offs only to be on the list next spring. So no matter what he does with the land, he could still end up unemployed. Therefore, why not just go on about your life anyway?

So while there may be a lot at stake, and it is a huge gamble to commit to another mortgage right now, the same will be true six months or a year from now. Oh what to do? Well, you stick your neck out and pursue your dream anyway. And if it turns out you have to scramble to get another job, then that is what you do. He was looking for job when he found that one.

Right? But then, that is easy for me to say. It is not my neck.

Don’t you just hate waiting? Both the good and the bad waits suck. We all hate the wait for tax rebate checks, OB-GYN appointments, Christmas presents, and the day that “whompin’ it once” (a Hillbilly Expression) just-doesn’t-work-anymore-and-you-simply-MUST-go-spend-money-on-a-new-TV. But waiting for a land deal to go through??? That wait really, really sucks.

Eric is taking his Friday evening nap right now. (I bet nobody knew that he does that — okay, now you know. Eric naps for a couple hours on Friday nights after work cause “Shew… thank God this week is over!” It’s a crash-n-burn kind of thing.) So I thought I would sneak a post in on him when he is not looking. He has been antsy and irritable all week. I don’t know if I would go so far as to call it “testy” (he really is a sweetheart, and I do mean all the time — even when he is testy) but he has been a bit out of sorts for the last week or so. But I can understand why and I can see through it. He really just doesn’t want to wait anymore, and he is excited, but he doesn’t want anyone to know. He doesn’t want to admit it because he is half-afraid he might jinx it if he gets his hopes up too high or if he let’s on how happy he is to finally see his dream come true. And what if? Oh my Lord! The dreaded “What if….” When he starts thinking like that, I am really in trouble. But I just listen.

It is a little bit like living with an Olympian for the month before the Olympics. They want to win soooooo badly they can taste it … they just KNOW they are going to win … but what if? I cannot imagine the mixed emotions he must be feeling. Oh wait; yes, I can. I bought my dream house once and it took about a month to know FOR SURE that it was going to be my house. And that month was the month from hell for everyone concerned. Now that I look back on it, I am sure that I was a bit “out of sorts,” too. (Bless my heart.)

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it happen for him right now… this very second. I wish I could get the mortgage company and the title company and the appraisers and the owner and the realtors and the lawyers and Eric all through the process instantly. That is what Eric wants. He wants it instantly. Poor baby. He is so out of sorts. But so lovable at the same time. I just want to hug him.

Uh oh. He just woke up and I am about to get busted for ratting him out for Friday night naps and out-of-sortness. Better run.

Son of a ______! We got it! We low-balled this guy big time (thanks to the ever-so-BRILLIANT advice of our Realtor) … he took $35,000 less than he was asking and $4000 less than he paid for it when he bought it! We had gone out to eat tonight and came back to an emailed greeting card from his Realtor sister which simply said “Congratulations! You are now the proud new own of a large chunk of Ohio!” He nearly cried and starting checking times to see how long ago she’d sent it and it if was too late to call and say “Does this mean what I think it means?” Since it had been only 15 minutes, he opted to call her… three times. The third time he left a message and went upstairs telling me to answer it if the phone rings.

He was no more than up the stairs and it rang. I picked it up. “Hey! Karla, hold on a sec, your brother is beside himself.” I called out “Come here, she is on the phone.”

“Karla, does this mean what I think it means?” trying to be cool and calm. I was too excited for him to really memorize much more of the conversation but I do know he told her I was jumping up and down … and he was laughing out loud. Then there was something about “So you need the fees within 48 hours, right?” and some other things back and fourth. But the bottom line is HE TOOK THE BID. There were no negotiations. It is a done deal and the earnest money gets paid tomorrow. And assuming the appraisal comes in at or above, then we are good to go! If not, we will try to find a way around it.

It is time to celebrate! More to come … this time for sure.

This is the road looking back to the entrance (as far as one should take a car). We could go further with the truck and we will probably on the next trip because we won’t want to carry all that gear. So we will take the truck as far as one of the clearings and park it there. That’s where we will set up base camp.

This clearing looks like a good choice:

I added these links below in case you are interested:

Wayne National Forest
Ohio Hocking Hills State Park
Old Man’s Cave

Jen wanted to know how to get the “cursor over captions” so here it is:

Click Add Media above the tool bar (not Insert Image in the tool bar)

Click Choose Files to Upload and select the picture you want to insert off your drive. (I don’t know if it works the same way if you use a hosted photo; I haven’t tried it, but I would assume so.)

A dialog box opens. Add your caption in the Caption Field. Pick your other settings such as alignment and size and click Insert To Post.

Cursor over my turtle to see its caption.

Oh, you probably already know that it will insert your pix at the top of your post and you have to click and drag them into position. Just thought I would mention that just in case.